The Courage To Become: A Saltwater Girl’s Journey Home

Saltwater Girls

Saltwater Girls Rating

★★★★★

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Deep within the depths of the Motley Wherehaus I enter Vault 2 – a tiny rectangular 25-seat theatre encased in wall-to-walk black draping, already creating a dramatic, moody, and immersive chasm of theatrical bravery for me to embody.

Against a black minimalist stage dimmed against green and crimson lighting, and flanked by white candles on either side of the stage, a black scenic cube remains static, along with a black lonesome notebook.

Overhead? Ominous sound waves are heard, of violin and guitar music rippling through the room. And at last, the shadow of a lonesome figure is cast behind the stage curtain, singing a traditional Catholic hymn. As the lights brighten, we meet Sydney-raised Lana Filies, writer and creator of ‘Saltwater Girls’, a confessional show about a woman’s journey of self-discovery – back to her own true identity.

As we meet our heroine, prayers are sung, and knees are on the floor, and Filies begins her sinful tale at aged 12, by strapping us in and encasing us in a patriarchal nightmare – in a no-holds-barred cell of an all-girls Catholic school. Or a ‘Catholic Utopia’, as Filies would have liked to have believed.

But as with most teenagers, curiosity often kills rigid order. Social norms fall by the wayside. Leading us by the tail – into the scene of a sin-worthy crime – a church broken-into by Filies, and her Catholic school cohort: her three other girlfriends and her male cousin. Where they come face-to-face with a bottle of wine and proceed to get drunk – a wicked start to some primal adventures. A first kiss with a girlfriend ensues, unleashing a sexual urge so strong, that a lesbian yearning is awakened.

This accelerates to a lingering bathroom kiss at a school party. Full of Catholic guilt, her Sappho secret is kept under wraps. Trying to cure what she believes to be a slight malady, she tries to ogle Zac Efron or Harry Styles, only to dream of Gillian Anderson instead. And as the drips of perspiration blare out of the theatre’s speakers, threatening to overpower her desires, they somehow remain stuck and suppressed: within an establishment built on shame.

 

By year 11? A revolutionary occurrence develops, when a crush on a lesbian teacher uncovers a host of virtues revered: self-respect, self-worth, and validation. For defying one’s social norms. For sticking to one’s values and principles and fighting society’s rules. When she discovers this teacher has a partner – she is sad but ever more curious. The pièce de résistance? The overwhelming discovery of a book of ancient Sappho poetry, written around 600 BCE, featuring verses of intimate human emotions, romantic longing and unapologetic female-led desire. As she looks up the teacher’s photo with her female partner? Something clicks. It is her own true identity beginning to bud, towards an exciting future: to finally be free to be herself.

But all is not rosy on the outside. This teacher gets stood down for discrimination. Liberation turns to rage. In Filies’ mind, it’s time to act out, as she is disciplined within a cluster of defiant boys as punishment. Where instead of fighting, she meditates and shrinks. A whole identity further squashed, sending her into a depressive state, unable to break free once more.

But in a timely fashion, a relationship breakdown (with a male) leads her to finally live a life she can only dream of, as she moves to Kings Cross. Eventually, she talks of finally accepting who she truly is, and how she grows to finally feel free- to fall in love with a woman of her choosing.

That to heal from one’s past? One must fight for one’s identity. That to move forward? One must give themselves the permission to become unstoppable – as a true Saltwater Girl. In purifying one spirit. In rising in one’s identity: all within the cleansing of the sea’s salty currents.

This is a beautiful coming-of-age story by Lana Filies combining storytelling, poetry, and song. It is masterfully directed by Amelia Gilday, and lovingly produced by Moon Bureau. It is a lovely piece of theatre promoting the magic mystery of self-discovery.

To book tickets to Saltwater Girls, please visit https://www.melbournefringe.com.au/whats-on/events/saltwater-girls.

Photographer: Amelia Gilday

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Spooks, Spoofs, and Splendid Sketches: Why ‘Nosebleeds’ is a Melbourne Fringe Must-See

Nosebleeds

Nosebleeds Rating

★★★★★

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As I walk down the laneway of Meyer Place, I arrive at a mysterious dark door, which unbeknownst to me, leads up two flights of stairs to the Improv Conspiracy Theatre, a destination for lovers and students of improvisational comedy in Melbourne.

I enter a dark, intimate theatre where smoke machines cast the room in an eerie-like glow, and where shiny red lights set the stage in a lurid setting, much like a Vintage B movie, about to take centerstage.

For what I am about to witness is anything but ordinary. It is a sketch theatre comedy called ‘Nosebleeds’, created by an extraordinarily funny team of veteran improvisers and comedians: Holly Bohmer, Mario Hannah, and Taylor Griffithsz This trio dare to take the bizarre vintage horror trope and milk it for all its worth. Who dare to peek behind the historic fright-night cliché, find its twisted elements, and transform them into fresh, inventive comedy gold. For this Melbourne Fringe favourite spoofs the historic elements of Vintage B horror – taking us onboard a hilarious 60-minute spook-fest with out-of-the-box characters, pulpy villains, arrogant witchy crones, and gruesome larger-than-life playacting.

The end result? A masterful, hilarious, thrill-ride of campy-like proportions. Vignettes-like scenes, among many to mention, that break-the-mould with tremendous portrayals of bizarre characters.

A seance-turned-screaming match between a bereaving British couple, who are clearly on twisted wavelengths.

A pious, puritanical pair, about to skinny dip in a lake but warned against its algae-like dangers by an old hunchback witch, played brilliantly by Taylor Griffiths, who also happens to delight them with the warnings of pre-marital sex, with an outrageous erotic performance finished with a throw-away line, ‘you must try before you buy’.

 

A delusional naval officer, hilariously played by Mario Hannah, who, after six years, comes back home and announces to his wife and child that he is engaged to a mermaid, who is simply a medium-sized fish, of which he is grossly enamoured with.

A gothic heroine in the form of a newly-arrived governess who outwits her murderous boss.

And last but not least, having us in stitches was the show’s interactive exorcist scene – with the enormously delightful show-stopping Holly Bohmer, flawlessly playing a Linda Blair role to the audience’s delight – complete with convulsive mouth movements with an ovulation egg, spasmodic sounds, and offerings of a feline-nature to a male audience member as a token of love.


In all, this show was the best I have seen at the Melbourne Fringe so far this year, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who loves great comedy with a warped, twisted sense of humour.

Kudos to the trio of Holly Bohmer, Taylor Griffiths and Mario Hannah; and director Matt Jenner for taking late-night improv comedy to new heights in Melbourne. For taking a simple-yet-effective approach to ‘vignette-style’ theatre-making with a static stage design, few costume changes (save for some well-intentioned props), and fantastic sound and lighting effects by Simon McCulloch.

Well-recommended for a night of great belly laughter, and out-of-the-park shenanigans!

To book tickets to Nosebleeds, please visit https://www.melbournefringe.com.au/whats-on/events/nosebleeds.

Photographer: Simon McCulloch & Mario Hannah

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When Life Gives You Grapes: An Existential Comedy

Ode To A Grape

Ode To A Grape Rating

★★★★★

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As I enter the Motley Bauhaus saloon-style pub in Carlton, I am infused with 1970’s nostalgia, bedecked with retro-style posters of shows-gone-by, and funky music beating in the background. Representing the liberated spirit of artistic creation, a barman serves drinks and food while his voice echoes over a loudspeaker, directing fringe-goers to their designated garret-style rooms to see their individual shows.

Speaking of the spirit of the Bauhaus, I enter up a staircase to tiny 25-seater wooden theatrette; surrounded by layers of exposed plaster and centuries-old brickwork. To the right and left of where I sit, are two barstools each flanked by bowls of green, purple and black grapes. A central theme of a show I am about to see called ‘Ode To A Grape’, the latter title celebrating the magical properties of a grape, a multi-purpose fruit that is not only sweet in nature, but can transform itself into a multitude of nutritional and eco-friendly benefits for the world-at-large.

In the middle of these two stools stands a red velvet draped curtain, parting ways for us to meet ‘Johann’, a angsty German-born existentialist with slicked-back hair. Starkly dressed in black with the peacock-ish air of socialist angst and radical views, Johann first expresses his passionate love for grapes, explaining how he has moved to his new hometown of Tīrau, New Zealand, where he seeks to fulfil his childhood dreams as a poetic artist.

In fact, tonight, we have come to Johann’s book launch of ‘Ode To A Grape’, his book of truly terrible poetry he tries to recite onstage for the very first time. Believing -that it is HE who was born to be a true poet of his time. That it is HE who is born to spread the word: about his oppressive upbringing in Germany and his love for grapes.

But instead, as time passes, Johann’s mind overtakes himself, and he starts ranting about the oppression of cows. His mind is going haywire. So much so, that I run into a confusion, asking myself – is this a show about sustainability? Of animal exploitation? Of terribly-made sandwiches being destroyed by harsh parenting causing inner child trauma?

 

Well, it is all of those actually, much to the audience’s delight. For this is where our night of satire begins.

For in between Johann’s preaching of grapes and cows, interruptions arise to foil his launch. An inner child that is split in two, torn between a sweet sounding Scottish voice positive about his poetic dreams versus that of an inner demon seeking to berate his over-inflated sense of confidence – to talk him out of sharing his woeful poetry with the world.

Starring Em Barrett, a native New Zealander, ‘Ode to A Grape’ is a cult-comedy, a call-to-arms about society-at-large, seen through the eyes of the bumbling Johann, one in which Barrett has perfected to the bone since 2022. For Barrett not only masters the German accent, but also the grandiose physicality of a tormented, angst-ridden male. One who is in denial of his deplorable poetic talents, which, as the show progresses, becomes incredibly funny.

One moment that brought the audience into the palm of Barrett’s hands was her clever use of a video depicting cows as gentle giants, as we see a video projection of a herd of cows behind a fence, listening to Johann’s partner, Nigel, playing the ukulele. It is here that Johann engages us in a mode of audience participation: a moo-ing sing-a-long of sorts; to help fight the affliction and the commodity of cows – to the audience’s delight.

This show is a must-see for fans of comedy, satire, and the spirit of Bauhaus. For shows that don’t exactly fit the mold, but engage us with raw, comedic undertones and imperfect scripting. A show where anything goes in the moment, one grape at a time.

To book tickets to Ode To A Grape, please visit https://www.melbournefringe.com.au/whats-on/events/ode-to-a-grape.

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The Stars Come Out To Play

Celebrity Theatresports

Celebrity Theatresports Rating

★★★★★

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We were warmed up and welcomed by “Jeremy” the twin of Celebrity Theatresports host Jeromaia Detto, at least that’s what Jeremy would have us believe. The theme of the day would be the circus. Jeremy had us practise our crowd hype including our circus animal noises. It was a very effective way to liven the excitement and energy in the room. The fun and passion was contagious and we were ready to be entertained, especially when Benny Davis from Axis of Awesome began to give the atmosphere a soundtrack, and we were introduced to our esteemed judges, hosts and the teams themselves.

I have a passion for Theatresports and I have done quite a few classes with our hosts, Impro Australia. It has been many years but I was excited to see, among the standout celebrities, were people that have celebrity status in my own heart and memories.

The six teams competing for the coveted Theatresports Celebrity Cup were:
The Greatest Show-Ponies (Adam Spencer, Rob Mills, James Galea and Jacqui Bramwell);
The Fairy Flossers (Steve Lynch, Kate Coates, Susan Prior and John Knowles);
Socceroo Sideshow (David Callan, Andrew Redmayne, Amy Tustian and Yarno Rohling);
The Big Top Guns (Ryan Atkins, Charlie Papps, Genevieve Hegney and Jack Scott);
Bunch of Clowns (Sophie Douglas, Daniel Cordeaux, Gary Eck, Felix Williamson and Sophea Op);
and Panda-monium (Linette Voller, Joji Malani, Murray Fahey and Scott Hall-Watson).

Round 1:
The first team was The Big Top Guns, who won my vote for best costumes (fully dressed to the theme). They also had the uber talented Genevieve Hegney, so they were at an advantage. The first game was Expert Double Figures where one player talks and the other lends their arms. The title they were given was “Teaching Tigers To Knit” and it was as hilarious as it sounds, especially Charlie Papps’ quick-thinking as their arms became the centre story.

Next up were The Greatest Show-Ponies taking on Genre Rollercoaster with audience suggestion of “Cleaning Out The Garage”: the genre having to be changed throughout. This team did a great job of keeping the story on track throughout the genre shifts. This was a standout in terms of technique.

Then the Fairy Flossers in all their dazzling pinkness had to take on the Animal Kingdom, which they all embodied well with the scene stealer being an exceptional meerkat played by John Knowles. Notable mention was the brilliant closing line at the end of all the mayhem from Kate Coates that the elephant (played comically by Steve Lynch) “Will never forget that!”

Number 4 was Panda-monium in all their Panda glory, including one Red Panda. They took on a fave of my own, Emotional Replay with the prompt of “Choosing a coffin”. This was a fun ride, culminating in “ecstasy” which was especially well embodied by Joji Malani’s impressive Vogue skills.

Number 5 was A Bunch of Clowns having to create a song entitled “Pickle Ball Is My Passion”, which hit the right notes with a catchy chorus. What some lacked in melody they made up for with hard-hitting lyrics, and Felix Williamson brought it all home with a brilliant finish.

Last, but not least was Socceroo Sideshow (with actual Socceroo Andrew Redmayne) who had the Sit, Stand, Kneel, Lie challenge at the airport. The characterisation with this physical challenge was impressive and it was chaotic fun watching them keep up with each other’s changing positions.

 

Round 2 was audio challenges from celebrities who were unable to be there.

Panda-monium had a request from Andrew Denton to see a scene with a lion and lion tamer who were afraid of each other. The team responded to this challenge by putting forward that they would do it with the team’s combined knowledge of High School French. It was tres impressive.

The Big Top Guns had a request from James O’Loghlin that they do a scene where someone can’t say the thing they desperately want to say. The team responded by having one character only able to speak in phrases from an audience member’s text message thread. Thus began a very clever family saga with a twist.

The Greatest Show-Ponies received their request from Rove McManus to see a scene in which somebody or something is being saved. The setting given was a Villain’s Lair. The team responded with Number Words, having host Jane Simmons shout out the number of words allowed in each line. With anything from 1 to 27, this was as hilariously challenging as you’d imagine.

Bunch of Clowns received their challenge from Kitty Flanagan, which was a scene where a farmer wants his son to take over, but his son wants to join the circus. The team responded with an American high school soap opera. This one showcased some wonderful teamwork as ideas were quickly thrown about and responded to.

Socceroo Sideshow got their challenge from the Umbilical Brothers which was an under the sea story called Raiders of The Last Air Bubble and they responded with Stunt Doubles, where two players enact the story and then have to swap over with their “stunt double” as dictated by the host and the stunt doubles play it out in slow motion. This was great fun with a special cameo from Millzy (Rob Mills) as the seahorse.

The Fairy Flossers got their challenge from Jonesy and Amanda in the form of two co-workers getting in trouble with a motorbike involved. They responded with a “Sing About It”. They came up with some catchy tunes, highlight being the Ballad of the Bike.

We then had some moving stories from the Canteen representatives, and we were all very emotional after learning more about how much this organisation means for cancer victims and their families.

Round 3 kicked off with The Hat Of Fate.

Fairy Flossers pulled out the prompt “In A Bank Vault” and were challenged to a Character Swap with a plot twist. Steve Lynch stole the show as a petulant teenage girl.

Big Top Guns pulled out “Taylor Swift Fan Club” and were challenged to an Off Broadway musical. It exposed the Swifties and those who drew a Blank Space when it came to her tunes.

Bunch of Clowns pulled “At A Fashion Show” and were challenged to a Shakespeare theme. They did doth handle that well.

The Greatest Show-Ponies pulled “At A Craft Brewery” and were challenged to an Opera, giving Millzy his real moment in the sun. It was a crafty little love story in song.

Panda-monium got “Top Deck on a Tour Bus” and were challenged to the audience providing the sound effects. This got the energy going and was a fun ride for all.

Socceroos got “Group Therapy” and were challenged to a ballet, which was actually rather beautiful.

The two teams revealed for the final round were Panda-monium and Socceroo Sideshow.

Panda-monium decided to use “Epic Quest” as their theme for the final round, and they were challenged to include a bum bag. They worked beautifully as a team and took us on a wonderful, wacky journey with other members of the other teams joining them along the way.

Socceroos decided to use “Film Noir with puppets” with the suggestion of a missing Pikachu. David Callan invited his students on stage to be the puppeteers and they did a fabulous job of following the prompts and uplifting the narrative.

Socceroo Sideshow were the winners overall and all the creatives were invited to the stage. John Knowles then delivered a moving tribute to Michael and Julie, the heart and soul of Impro Australia.

It was a wonderful Sunday afternoon of humour and heart. We all left with big smiles on our faces.

To find out more about Theatresports shows, classes and corporate events, visit www.improaustralia.com.au 

Photography by Stephen Reinhardt

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