Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex to My Mum) is a vulnerable piece of stand up comedy about trauma and domestic violence. In his comedy hour, James Barr explained how he had to kiss many, many, many frogs, before he found his boyfriend. Through his honesty and openness, James creates a rapport with his audience. Throughout the show James shares a spectrum of intimate moments, from deeply joyful occasions, to moments that echo with shame and anger.
James notes early on in his set that Colleen, his mum, asked if he was sure he was gay when he first came out to her. This was after she made sure no neighbours could hear their conversation. James returns to the opinions and quirks of Colleen periodically throughout the show. In particular, Colleen’s thoughts and reflections on James’ partner continuously resurfaces. James explains, Colleen liked his boyfriend.
James sweetly described how he met his boyfriend, and vulnerably shares the start of their love story. He laughs at the heteronormativity of being in a committed long-term relationship. James then somberly notes that 1 in 3 queer people experience domestic violence. He asks the audience “How do you tell off a violent person for being violent?” Very quickly James pulls the audience in, creating tension as he describes a more dangerous version of his boyfriend. James builds and breaks the tension with honesty and vulnerability.
James continues the show, sharing how shame and anger dominated his relationship, and slowly took control of his life. James stated that he couldn’t recall the first time his boyfriend hit him, but he remembered the first time his boyfriend attacked the dog. James confessed, “I told myself I deserved it. A dog doesn’t deserve it.” The complexities of abuse are difficult to pinpoint, but James highlights how little moments broke him down, until his sense of self was erased.
James finishes his set with an explanation of why he wrote this show. Why he shared this experience, opened himself up and become so vulnerable to a faceless audience. This show requires a profound sense of bravery, and James was inspired by a nurse he met who left an abusive partner. Hearing her talk about leaving, James understood what he hadn’t until that point. That sharing stories of abuse, highlighting the bravery of the people who leave, can inspire others to do the same. James noted that it was easy to stay with his boyfriend, but it was the story from the nurse that gave him the bravery to leave.
To book tickets to James Barr: I’m Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum), please visit https://adelaidefringe.com.au/fringetix/james-barr-sorry-i-hurt-your-son-said-my-ex-to-my-mum-af2026.
